I find myself struggling so hard to know everything seems so different. I don't even know whether it is reality or not. Some people might think, if something is hurting us, let them go. but I just don't know, just don't know. I feels like letting them go is just make it even worse. I feels like there's a chance for us when I extremely know there's clearly not.
And, I'm magically smile seeing our photos in my phone, then at a moment my smile turns into something that I don't even able to catch.
Feels guilty to everything, all I do is just faking it all. I don't even have a desire to speak and look around.
I isolate myself today, shuffled my song and then pressed the next button until the certain one. I was listening a song and then realising my eyes was so crummy, my heart beats faster, and my mind stuck onto the plasterboard. After that I took a deep breath just like I shrugged my shoulder then I exhale it while my mouth saying astaghfirullah.
I admit it, I feels a little bit relieve. I pray to God about everything that happened, and I was still praying for you.
I keep my faith up that we will be, maybe not now. Amen.